This is the essay I submitted to the New Jersey Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2014 Children’s Scholarship Award contest. I hope you enjoy it!
I don’t remember anything from my middle school years. It’s such a blur to me. I made myself not want to remember. I didn’t want to hear the other students laugh at me; calling me “Twitch,” “Twitchli’ or hear them say, “Hey everyone! Let’s do the Julia!” That’s what I heard in those hallways.
That’s the kind of stuff you would hear being said about a young girl with Tourette’s syndrome. Tourette’s syndrome is a neurological disorder that is characterized by uncontrollable tics, body movements and noises. It is caused by the nervous system. I was diagnosed with Tourette’s at the end of fifth grade.
My tics started around the beginning/middle of that year. Teachers weren’t attuned to bullying in those days, so I was left by myself to suffer. I would get in trouble with my teachers for making noises, rolling my eyes, raising my brows and having an episode. They wouldn’t believe me when I said I couldn’t control it. Some even made fun of it. They didn’t understand what I was going through. No one did. Not even my own family. They would yell at me to be quiet all the time.
Memories from middles have returned and I’ve had flashbacks from that time I remember being in the guidance office at least twice a week, whether it was during lunch and recess or during a class. I remember eating my lunch in the bathroom, sitting in the corner on the floor or in the giant handicapped stall.
During a huge science project in 6th grade, while I was giving my presentation in class, I became so anxious that my tics became uncontrollable, causing the other students to laugh at me. I finished my presentation, but as soon as I was done, I ran out of the classroom hysterically crying and embarrassed.
Over the years, my tics have gotten better and people have become more understanding. Now, I have an amazing group of friends. I have participated in the musical at my high school since my freshman year. I can say that I sang the National Anthem at the basketball games for boys and girls and wrestling matches at school.
I’m friendly to everyone I know and meet, despite how other treated me in the past. I am more outgoing than I was in middle school. I dance, sing act and even model now. Doing these activities have made me more confident. In everything I do now, I don’t let this disorder be such a conflict in my life.
I have been a victim of Tourette’s syndrome for more than eight years and have learned to deal with it. It’s part of my life whether I like it or not. TS has made me stronger and I will not let it become my biggest deficit. I will not let Tourette’s define me anymore.