“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.”
~Nelson Mandela

I’ve decided to post a collection of all my poetry from Twitch and Jerk. I am starting at the beginning from when I founded TaJ. Here they are, in three parts. The first part is from the beginning through June 2011. The second part is July-December 2011. And the third part is January 2012 through now. I hope you enjoy them.

January 11, 2012:

I step outside into the rushing wind. The pouring rain. The moisture in the air. The cloudy skies. The waving trees. Leaves falling. Feeling the drops of water fall onto my skin, seeping into my soul. I feel cleansed. I feel free. My worries are gone. Even if they come back after a moment, that moment was worth it. Breath in the crisp air. Smell of wet grass and damp wood. Tics are flying out, freeing my body from the ache to let them out. I am myself again. I am refreshed once more.

January 19, 2012:

Dawn. Where the sun’s rays pour into the sky, the ground. The smell of dew on fresh leaves. The cool, settled air resting on my face. Close my eyes. Take a deep breath in. The sun rises like bread in the oven. Red to orange to pink to yellow. The trees’ colors brighten. The birds chirp their sweet song of, “Good Morning!” A feeling of reassurance that the world is okay, that we all are okay. This is what happens when I start to doubt myself. Belief comes flying back. The morning is my confidence, rising like the sun

January 22, 2012:

Memories, my memories. How sour they were. How my heart broke when I was laughed at. How I was a monster for a while. How I was horrified, vulnerable, feeling broken about my disorder. How sweet my memories became. My life was changed. My heart mending, slowly. Used to the pain, annoyance, staring, giggles, scorns, whispers. Learning to smile. Learning to fight. Learning to love who I am. And I do. I am proud. I am weird, different. That’s what makes this world go round.

February 7, 2012:

Depression sweeps over me like a brush full of black paint. So dark. I feel alone. I am alone. No one understands how I feel. No one cares about me. The tics I have cannot be contained. Serenity, sweet serenity. I beg for you. I have given up on myself. I pray for light to shine in through the dark. I hope for help in lifting me up. My spirits be lifted into the golden gleam. That I be myself once more.

February 10, 2012:

I am enlightened by the inner glow of my spirit. Showing me how to function in this world. Sweet melody of peace pouring from soul. Drinking in the beauty of nature and life itself. Believing in myself to do the right thing. My thoughts filled with happiness. I am lifted into the cool, refreshing air. I start to soar. I am flying. I am free. I take a deep breath. Love this feeling, this emotion. I see the light. I am the light.

February 18, 2012:

A tic can be an annoying pest or a good good friend depending on what you choose it to be. I choose to make them a song. A sweet melody that rises out of me. Then, I can say that I break out into song all the time. So, in this case, I make my tic into an annoying pest and a good friend, because sometimes a little bit of both can help me accomplish things I never knew I could accomplish. What do you choose?

February 21, 2012:

Love. Soft and precious it is. Greater than the hurt we feel. Love is not always the romantic kind. There is family and friends who love you for who you are. Even your pets love you. Love is support. Let love spread throughout this world, even to those who do not deserve it. For it may change their lives forever. Dance of love. Sing of love. Be love. Once you become love, it becomes you. Then, you will never be forgotten.

February 27, 2012:

I am drowning.
Drowning in a pool of sorrow and confusion.
What have I done?
Slowly, slowly pushed her away.

Never saw, never knew.
Then she tells me of her sadness.
Friendship fading.
I am lost.

I have no recollection of such bitterness.
Such cruelty.
Was I that mean, that ignorant?
Love, ’tis love that caused my change probably.

I wait.
I wait to die or to live.
Die in sadness.
Live in happiness and regret.

She looks over at me.
A tear falls from her cheek as she lifts me up.
I look at her in shock.
She smiles.

She pulls me out.
I sob into her arms as we hug.
She has forgiven me.
A true friend she is. A true friend.

March 7, 2012:

I wake up from a dark nightmare. My fear grows. My heart is beating fast. I collapse into my pillow. I inhale and exhale slow and deep. I want to cry. I feel lonely, alone. Then, I look out my window. The sun is shining bright on trees, the ground. Leaves lying on the ground glitter from the dew of the morning. The wind is strong and moves the trees, making them wave. They wave around in happiness, freedom. The birds are out, chirping, feeding. The sky is clear, beautiful blue. I walk outside and I feel the rush of the cool wind. I smell the sweet, fresh air. My loneliness fades away. I open my eyes and see the good things that life has to offer.

April 4, 2012:

A tear runs down my cheek.
I don’t want to wipe it away.
I am fearful, lonely.
I don’t want to feel this way, but I do.

I stare into the darkness as my enemy.
I grow to hate it. It is what makes me depressed.
I feel alone. Am I alone?
I don’t know.

I can’t see anything or anyone.
I am in my own corner, crying and hoping.
Hoping for joy and relief. Hoping for a light to bring me back to my true self.
A smile or two would be nice.

Is there anyone out there to help me? There is.
There is! I see her.
She reaches out her glowing hand. I look up at her.
She smiles and I grab her hand.

A smile starts to stretch across my face.
My mother has come and rescued me.
I love her. And, she has shown her love for me.
I will always remember that moment.

April 13, 2012:

I lay in bed as I watch the sunrise. Down, the darkness fades. Upward the light shades the sky. As the beauty grows, my eyes grow wider. A smile spreads across my face. Night turns to day. The grass becomes wet with dew. The leaves are crisp. The animals are walking about. I step outside and my face is cooled with the spray of morning. A sweet sensation. I sit down and look at the world this way and think, “How could it be any better?”

May 8, 2012:

The clouds. They are slow, grey. The cover the entire sky with their gloom. It’s saddening, depressing. Makes me think of the bad memories. And the times I made terrible mistakes. But, then I think, who hasn’t made those kind of mistakes? Everyone makes them whether they realize it or not. I’m not perfect. But, I’m not a bad person either. I learned from my mistakes. Not all of them but most. Even those who are much much older still learn. I should not worry what others think of me. I should only worry about what I think of myself. So, I push those feelings aside and wait for the weather to clear. Strangely, after a minute, the sun comes out. And, I feel relieved. Happier. Me.

Hope you all are having a beautiful day!

“Hey, I’m 15 and I’ve had Tourette since I was nearly 2 or 3. I got paralyzed, and the docs said I would never walk again, but I did, and something didn’t work out, and I developed Tourette. I’m the first one in my family history to have it, but I’m proud of it because it makes me unique.”

Then after a series of piercing, unacceptable bullying by two users that had to be blocked and their comments removed, an exchange between our new Facebook moderator, RuthieP; Roxanne; and several other Facebook users took place. Here is how it went down:

RuthieP: “If you cannot respect people with Tourette’s, I will ask you to leave this page and stop commenting if you can’t contain your rude comments. I have had Tourette’s all of my life and I know more about the condition than most adults. I can tell you both, with 100% certainty, that EVERY case of Tourette’s is different. Some people have little control over their tics, and you will see them tic a good majority of the time, while other people have found a lot of control and can hold back their tics almost all day until they can get home to let out their tics. For some people, you would never know they have Tourette’s unless they told you.”

 

Will Ferguson: “Hahahaha thats complete bull you carnt have perfecrt control over you toorretes that bull one would have to slip out at some point roxanne stop lying. So ruthie or what eva I think scientist research is more valid then your story in the future when you trying to protect a lyer have a good back up story.”

 

RuthieP: “And since when are you an expert in the scientific research that has been done on Tourettes? Have you ever seen her sleep? Maybe that means she doesn’t do that either. Another thing is that tics aren’t always visible or noticeable to the untrained eye. Some tics are internal like muscle tightening, repetitive swallowing, flexing and separating toes in shoes, or biting your tongue or moving your tongue around in your mouth. Roxanne, don’t worry you know the truth and that’s all that matters. Don’t let people like this get to you. You are stronger than you know.”

 

RoxanneSix: “Thanks Ruthie ”

 

Courtney Farrell: “Well…whether she has or not isn’t any of our business and it’s not our place to call her a liar…”

 

RoxanneSix: “Thanks courtney ”

 

Will Ferguson: “Im not not an expert I looked it up and torroutes are tics/spasms pretty much… you can have little control but not for a whole day roxanne is a liar shes lied about loads of stuff getting people in shit who havnt done nothing so yeah how you expect us to believe her.”

If you are reading this and you are someone who has Tourette Syndrome (or even if you aren’t), how do these words make you feel? No one should be bullied, accused or put down like this. No one, especially not someone with a neurological disorder that, for the most part, they have absolutely ZERO control over. What are your thoughts about this? 

It is actually pretty cool to have TS because it sets you apart from other people, and no one is the same.  My mom told me a couple months ago I had TS.  Throughout my whole kindergarten, first-grade and second-grade experience, I noticed that I had to make one or two letter sounds consecutively.

I also have OCD. I have to have certain things or know certain things. I must have cereal in MY cereal bowl; if not, I feel I’m not having actual cereal. It feels unnatural to me.  Whenever I go somewhere, I must know where I’m going, why I’m going and how long will I be there.  I must have the TV on at night, if not I get freaked out.

You might have Tourette or OCD; you might have a child with these disorders; you might be deaf or hard of hearing; or you might think you are too skinny or too fat. Or you might just be too judgmental or have a short temper. Whatever you challenges, big or small, noticeable or hidden, you need to read this book!

Marc’s message truly has changed my life and the way I think about not only myself and my TS, but it also changed the way I think about every other person around me. “Live and Let Live” is a message everyone should hear, and it is a message I have been trying to live by ever since I heard Marc’s speech for the first time back in September.

Here is a 10-minute YouTube documentary about Marc, and here is where you can buy his book.

I also have OCD. At school, people look at me like I’m a normal girl, but if I told them I had TS, they would start saying I didn’t, start calling me a liar and start bullying me because of it. At school, I can calm my Tourette down, and it rarley happens at school, but it’s a lot worse when I get home because I had to hold it in even thought I know I shouldn’t.

At the end of the day, if you have Tourette you should be proud of it because it makes you unique!