2016 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “Living with Tourette Syndrome”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2016 Youth Scholarship Award contest. I hope you enjoy it!

MichaelS

MichaelS

I pondered what it meant when I was diagnosed with Tourettes. The doctor explained to me there was no cure, and that with time it’d get better, but he said Tourettes will be a part of my life forever. I had finally figured out the answer as to why I constantly rolled my eyes, or why I occasionally let out an obnoxious vocal sound. As a confused 4th grader, I didn’t realize this would soon become part of my identity. After the diagnosis I was uneasy about telling people, even my close friends, why I did all these strange things. I was scared they’d think of me differently or put a label on me. Every time my classmates asked about it, I’d reply with an indifferent “I don’t know.”

I remember showing up to a basketball camp and as we were huddled around a coach, he was lecturing us. My eyes rolled uncontrollably. He stood up and then scolded me, talking about how disrespectful I was and I was forced to run to the point where I felt like I had to throw up. I was too frightened to tell him it was because of Tourettes. After that fiasco, I realized it was time to tell people.

It took me 3 years to finally muster up the courage to tell a couple of my close friends why I had been rolling my eyes, crinkling my nose, and letting out vocal sounds. I explained to them that they were called tics that unfortunately forced me to do some strange things. I told them I couldn’t suppress these tics or else I would feel like I couldn’t breathe. I was nervous as to how they would react. I didn’t want them to think of me differently. They all essentially said the same thing: “It doesn’t matter; you’re not different; you having Tourettes doesn’t change anything.” I was shocked. I thought I’d receive some questions, but everything was alright.

Sure there were instances throughout my life where people asked questions and said mean things. Soon I realized that having Tourettes was a blessing in disguise: I was able to talk to people and educate them on Tourettes. I was trying to eliminate the stereotype that all people with Tourettes curse excessively or are constantly mumbling random words. After telling people about my neurological disorder I became cognizant of that fact that this was me, I couldn’t change it even if I wanted to.

As I got older, more and more people began to put a face to Tourettes and it was mine. I was uncomfortable with this at first, but it was a component of who I am; I’m not complete without Tourettes. People were able to see that anyone can have Tourettes and that sometimes we may not even know they do. Without Tourettes I feel like I’d be a different person, maybe a little more normal, but “normal” can be boring. Tourettes is a part of who I am: it’s an essential part of my identity. As I grow up, I realize it will forever be a part of me: maybe a small part, but a part nonetheless.

 

2016 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2016 Youth Scholarship Award contest. I hope you enjoy it!

I have had TS all my life, and it has affected me all my life, even though I may not have known what it was until more recent years. Knowing that I have Tourette Syndrome gave me a sense of identity, and a group of people to belong to. More importantly, it gave me direction and even more reason to create. I have always prided myself in being an artist, in particular a photographer. Being diagnosed with TS has given me a need to create and provide good representation for those with TS. I feel as if I need to prove to the world that I’m not some crude video on YouTube for people to laugh at, I am a remarkable human being that can create something beautiful out of anything. Having Tourette Syndrome has its good days and its bad days, and even on those bad days I can be reminded to keep on going and keep on ticking because TS makes me, me. I am the most important thing I could ever have. Tourette Syndrome showed me that while things can be uncontrollable, wild, and unpredictable, there is always a place for you to belong. TS has taught me that you have to be willing to go with the flow, and that not everything has a reason, which I believe that is one of the most valuable things you can learn going into adulthood. Accepting things as they are will always be a benefit to you, especially with something like Tourette Syndrome.

2016 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “Living with Tourettes”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2016 Youth Scholarship Award contest. I hope you enjoy it!

EricR

EricR

I was diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome at the age often. My tics were much worse when I was younger, but have started to dissipate as I have grown. The diagnosis of Tourette’s is central to my identity and matters a great deal, as it has shaped who I am and how I interact with the world.

Having Tourette’s does not define me, however, it was a pivotal player in the shaping of my early years. I started showing symptoms around the age of six. The first observable tics included humming and blinking. My family had no idea what was happening, so they took me to see multiple doctors. At first the doctors said that I had transient tics. They could not make the diagnosis of Tourette’s until I displayed both motor and vocal tics consistently for over a year. This was a problem because my tics would change constantly. I could have one or a combination of multiple tics occur simultaneously and then they would suddenly disappear for months at a time. This occurred for a number of years. Therefore, it wasn’t until the age often, that a doctor officially made the diagnosis.

Tourette’s has come to shape my personal identity in different ways over the years. I have had to learn how to deal with it every day of my life, since elementary school. When I was younger, my tics were at their worst, so I had to focus more on controlling them than on the lessons being taught at school. As a result, my parents often had to re-teach the lessons to me, and at times I also needed tutoring. Once I became a teenager my vocal tics were the most noticeable and disruptive. Fortunately, my teachers and classmates were compassionate and understanding. They knew that I had Tourette’s and that I wasn’t making strange noises on purpose. It was during this time that various medications were attempted, but they only made my tics worse and gave me bad side effects. Despite the downside of distracting me from my early education, many positive things have come out of my condition.

Having Tourette’s Syndrome has allowed me to understand myself on a deeper level. I have become more confident as I grow and adapt to my disorder. Because of the confidence I have acquired, I am a more focused and dedicated student.

As a result of this dedication, I have been on the honor roll every year since entering middle school. I also hold memberships in both the St. Thomas Aquinas Honor Society and the National Honor Society of High School Scholars. During my sophomore and junior years, I received several Outstanding Academic Achievement Awards. In addition, I have been recognized as a member of the Sapientia Sanctitas Society.

My success did not come easy. Many hours of studying and tutoring occurred throughout my elementary and high school years. I knew that if I wanted to succeed, I would need to focus and concentrate on doing well. My determination and perseverance paid off, as I have been accepted into three colleges to study architecture.

Experiencing challenges at an early age caused me to have a unique and positive perspective of the world. I see the world in a different way. I am not quick to judge other people, as I understand what it feels like to be looked at oddly. When I was younger, I used to be very introverted. Now that I am older and my tics are more manageable, I have become more extroverted. I am no longer afraid of what others will think of me and I now welcome new challenges.

Tourette’s has helped shape my personal identity as it has exposed me to diverse and challenging situations. I have become less introverted and have formed a positive opinion of the world around me because of the confidence I have gained from adapting to my disability. I look forward to experiencing new challenges and more opportunities for growth, as I continue my education as an architecture student.

2016 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “How I Changed My Life”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2016 Youth Scholarship Award contest. I hope you enjoy it!

KyleO

KyleO

At the age of five I was diagnosed with Tourettes. This is and will forever be the biggest struggle in my life. Not only has it affected me physically, it has also affected my social life and school experience. For me I have to go through the same pain everyday and try to find ways to overcome and look towards the future. Only recently have I taken this mindset and it has improved my daily life tremendously. Through the process of finding a way to cope with my disorder I have found many activities and interests that I never thought I could enjoy. I started communicating with people and managed to find hobbies that I genuinely enjoyed. Although my life so far has been a rough road it has led me to some amazing things I never imagined I could find.

I have always been secretly fascinated about why I tic and what triggers it. I have done research and have found many interesting things. My curiosity stemmed ever since I went to a Tourette Clinic when I was young and found out more about my condition. My personal dream is to be able to help people who have the same problems as I do which is why I want to study psychology or neurology. Becoming someone who could help others through their pain and relate to them is something that I believe can be very therapeutic for both parties. I have met others who have Tourettes and it was an amazing experience not only for me but for the people I met as well. The feeling of communicating with someone who feels the same as I do is an amazing feeling that I would gladly enjoy experiencing for the rest of my life.

Not only have I found myself in this journey but I have also found others. Social anxiety and fear have always held me back from communicating with people and drastically affected my grades and school life. One of the biggest factors that led me to combat this issue was the youth group that I am involved with at my local church. I’ve grown from a socially awkward child to a truly open and outward adult because of the people and experiences that I’ve come across. My youth group has become one of my favorite things in life because I know that I have people who want to accept me for who I am. Throughout the years of being in the program I have become a leader among my peers and have begun helping with many activities and plans that the church holds. Because of my involvement in the church I have started convincing myself to talk to new people and be accepting and confident of myself. By instituting this personal rule I have began to notice a steady improvement in my grades, social life, and the quality of life overall.

My personal skills and talents have also helped me further myself in many ways. This past year I built a computer from scratch. Building and modifying computers has always been one of my hobbies and could even lead to studying computer science. Ever since I was a child electronics have fascinated me and have led me to many things such as my passion for graphic design. Not only are these activities enjoyable but they are extremely therapeutic. I really hope that I can share these experiences with others so that they can look for a brighter future as well. By using my skills and talents to overcome my condition I have shown remarkable improvements in my life and my ability to make a plan for my future.

2016 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “Me, Myself and Tourettes”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2016 Youth Scholarship Award contest. I hope you enjoy it!

SebastianL

SebastianL

Imagine telling a child with the hiccups to stop making sounds. That child will try his hardest to keep it inside of him, but it gets to a point where your body stops listening to your mind. He doesn’t want to have the hiccups, but it JUST WON’T GO AWAY. That’s exactly what it’s like to have Tourettes Syndrome, except you’re stuck with it for a much longer time.

My parents first noticed subtle things that weren’t really that odd, but I just kept doing over and over again at around the age of six. Every time we ate, I had to have had my fork and knife perfectly aligned with the napkin.

Not really that weird, but to the point where it became annoying since I did it everywhere, not just at home. But once I entered elementary school, things became a little more difficult for me. I couldn’t stop shifting around in my seat and I couldn’t stop moving my long hair out of my face. I became a common target for yelling at because while everyone was sitting doing work, I was sitting on my knees and tapping my pencil. My parents thought they were going to be stuck with a troublesome kid, but it wasn’t quite that.

One day at school, my surfer-dude type haircut was really getting on my nerves. Strands of hair were in front of my eye and I felt as if my sense of touch was off the charts because it felt like I could feel every single piece of hair bother me. So, I got my safety scissors out of my pencil case and gave myself a new haircut. From that day on, I didn’t have bangs that would bother me at school. However, when I got off the bus that day, my mother wasn’t too happy to see a twenty dollar haircut go to waste like that. I explained what happened and it was around this time my mom began to think that these weren’t really traits of a so-called troublemaker kid. So we went to a doctor and they told me I had “nervous tics.” I went along with it, because why would I argue with a doctor right. So from then on, I assumed that I was just some nervous kid for no reason.

Time went on and I entered the middle school where everybody was grown up and cool. By this time, I’ve had a track record of being “that” kid and I just accepted the status I was given and tried to run with it. But this is when my “tics” started to evolve into what is actually known as Tourette’s. I started making noises and making noticeable repetitive movements. One day during math class, my favorite period of the day (sarcasm), I was feeling rather anxious. I made a high pitched noise, kind of like when a girl sees a spider and yells “EEK!” Some heads turned but I just played it off like I always have whenever I did something weird. While the teacher was going on with her lesson, I felt this extreme tension in my throat. This is when I compare it to hiccups, because once it starts, you can’t stop it. I tried really hard to “hold it in” but it just hopped out. Heads turned once more and the teacher gave me a warning, telling me to stop interrupting the class. About a minute later, something in me decided to bother the class once more and I let out another “EEK” like noise. My teacher had enough of my shenanigans by then and yelled at me in front of the whole class and told me to go to the office. I walked out with my head low, confused and sad because I wasn’t able to understand why I was doing these things. I wasn’t nervous at all and I’ve never done something that outward. The principal told me to stop being a bother to people and I tried to be as quiet as possible the remainder of the day. When I got home, all the sadness I was holding in just exploded into tears when my mom asked me how my day was. I explained to her what happened and we went to the doctor once more. They spoke with my mom and told her we should go get an MRI of my very nice brain. They did a bunch of stuff I didn’t get and when we left she hit me with the “nervous tics” phrase again. I’m convinced that she knew it was Tourettes but she didn’t tell me because she didn’t want me to feel bad.

Fast forward and I’ve had plenty of time to learn how to hold in my “tics” while at school and public places and to allow them to come out at home. It’s freshman year in high school and by now I’ve figured out for myself that what I have was probably Tourettes. I asked my mom if we could get some medicine to ease them a little bit but that just made me feel sick all the time. So we went to another doctor who asked my morn if he could talk to me in private, so I could speak honestly about my Tourette’s. He and I spoke about what was going on with me and we had a genuine down to earth conversation. He told me about his friend, who happened to have Tourettes, who also happened to be a heart surgeon. That heart surgeon had the same repetitive noises and movements like I did, but whenever he was going into an operation he became as still as a statue. His whole psyche changed and he was able to do amazing things and save people’s lives. My doctor told me I didn’t need medicine, that the power to control my Tourettes was in me and I just had to hone it like his friend did. I walked away from that visit with a new sense of hope and pride. From that day on, I never let my Tourettes get the better of me and I aimed to make the best me possible. And I’ve never abandoned that mentality to this day.

Despite all the negative things that I was forced to go through, at the end of the day, it made me stronger and I was able to push myself harder than anyone else. Instead of resenting the people who made fun of me, I accepted them and grew to understand why people acted the way they did. With all the time I kept to myself, I thought about things that a child in middle school wouldn’t normally think of, the world, humanity and myself as a person. I also continued to read a lot and it became relatively easy for me to excel in school, always meeting honors. I believe I grew wise beyond my years and rapidly became a person with a wonderful perspective. My Tourette’s created a teen with more love, acceptance, and knowledge than those around me and I am proud of that. And if having Tourette’s was the only way that that could happen, I wouldn’t give it up.